“Love knows no distance.” “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” “Distance between two people is only as far as one allows it to be.” “Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”
OK, enough with sappy love quotes, time to get serious. Being separated from your significant other sucks, period. With my boyfriend on the east coast and me living on the west coast for awhile, our relationship is going to be tested.
Before I left, we said our goodbyes, cried our eyes out, gave many hugs & kisses, and whispered my 3 favorite words after every sentence: “I Love You.”
After my plane landed safely, one of the first people I called was him. Once I got situated at my apartment, roomies, etc., the loneliness feeling set in – big time.
The first few days were rough; I didn’t want to do anything. I would lay in bed all day and cry into my boyfriend’s sweater. But then I had an epiphany, “I have been given a great opportunity, why am I wasting it away?”
So I went out with to the clubs my roommates, shopped at local stores, took tons of pictures, and visited local landmarks. All the while remembering the family & friends back home.
Two nights ago, I sat down and figured how I turned my ‘bummed-out’ self into the ‘happy, social butterfly’ I was back home.
I realized how big of an idiot I was for those first few days. Fortunately, the damage was very little and I had plenty of time to mend the relationship between myself and my boyfriend.
Trust, loyalty, communication and love: the four pillars for any relationship be it long distance or short distance. These four simple words, with their meanings, will help any couple get through the LDR hurdle.
1. Communication
This is very important! Talk about relationship limitations before leaving. You may decide to be willing to maintain a long distance relationship, but boundaries and rules need to be set. Talk about social scenes and what each person thinks will be fair and appropriate behavior. Both need to be on the same page here, so make sure everyone agrees to not date, see or even spend time with other people in a romantic way. We both have agreed to be social but also respect the guidelines we have set up.
Set up a regular time when one person calls the other. Work this time around other commitments. No one wants to be rushing home to receive a phone call. Also, recognize there may be times when they are unable to call, or you may not be able to receive the call. Don't take this as a sign of disinterest; realize that sometimes life interferes with schedules. I always look forward to our conversation after a long day at the office. It, seriously, makes my day even better.
Eat together online. Instant Messaging, chat rooms, etc. are a great help. I prefer a web cam so I will be able to see my boyfriend’s beautiful face.
Call me a sap, softie, whatever; I don’t care. Even though your partner could be on the other side of the globe, set time to eat together online. It can be your “breakfast” and your partners “dinner”, but at least, despite the distance, you still take the time to share a meal, allowing you to have that “real time” interaction. It takes the one Oreo commercial with the father and son to a better height.
In this electronic world, it's easy to replace old-fashioned letter writing with email. Sometimes it's more efficient to do so. Whether it’s once a week, once a month, or once in a blue moon, letter writing gives you the opportunity to simmer over your thoughts, grab your favorite pen, and write something that can't be captured in an email. Just think of how surprised my boyfriend will be to get a piece of mail that's not a bill or Netflix!
2. Loyalty
Be involved in long-distance love’s life. Just because they're far away doesn't mean your partner is absent. You will need to be involved in the events of your partner's life. You could play games together over the internet, or watch a movie at the same time with the phone at your ear. I often feel like my sweetheart is right there beside me for the scary parts!
If you were in charge of planning dates and filling free time, someone else is going to be filling that role.
It’s not an attack against you, so try not to show too much jealousy. Let them know you still care and love your role in their life, but you can’t be an anchor from hundreds of miles away.
In a LDR, there is the chance you will greatly miss the small stuff that “normal” couples do. Waking up by his/her side, having dinner together, cuddling up on the couch and talking about your day. It can be painful and very difficult to get used to this situation. You have be prepared to confront feelings of sadness and loneliness. It is not easy being in a relationship with someone who is not physically there. Don’t let lust take over. Is 10 minutes of ‘Heaven’ worth throwing away a meaningful relationship?
3.Trust
When living away from each other in a long distance relationship it’s natural to develop some independent tendencies. Be cautious, however, since they’re going to be developing the same instincts.
Your role will change slightly as well. In a SDR relationship, most of your free time is spent with each other.
Give them their space. As much as you'd like to keep tabs on your partner wherever they go, you need to give your partner space.
You don't want to crowd them, or grill them on every second of their life. They'll begin to resent you, definitely not what you want.
To maintain your long distance relationship, respect your partner by trusting them. They are an adult and capable of making sound decisions on their own.
4. Love
Do not forget to say the magic words “I LOVE YOU” as often as possible. Even though it may sound so redundant to others ears, for a person you love, it is a sweet sound to hear. I never get tired of hearing those words, and yes, I know I sound mushy.
Does the thought of your sweetie being in a different city alone drive you crazy with jealousy? If the answer is yes, don’t even bother to try a LDR.
In order to survive the distance from your partner, you will have to be really strong, trusting, and understanding. You can’t expect them to change their routine, their friends or everyday life just because you feel insecure.
You will both have to be honest and assume that there is nothing else but good intentions between you or it won’t work. Without trust, there is no future in long distance romances. “Honesty is the best policy.”
Keeping the fire burning in a long distance relationship is as important as making sure you see each other on a regular basis.
There are wonderful ideas to show your partner you are thinking of him/her, without having to stretch your budget.
Being in a LDR gives you the chance to treat everyday as Valentine's Day. When it comes to buying gifts for your loved one, remember is the thought that counts. The most romantic presents require usually very little money and just a little bit of imagination.
Long distance relationships take lots of work but they can be very rewarding when they are successful. Of course they are risky, as every relationship for which you put your heart on the line. It all comes down to what you are and what you are not willing to do for love. If you are armed with strong feelings, courage, persistence, and the four pillars of love you have nothing to worry about.
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